Honeybeads Blog

Ok, so I've made it through another day without binging and purging. One day at a time. I feel good about this.

I saw my medical doctor today just for a check up. My therapist, Paula, wanted me to see him since I haven't really been seen by him since I started this whole anorexia/bulimia thing. He is very worried about me. He thinks that I can beat this, though. He gave me an Rx for prozac. Uggh. I don't know if I will take it or not. My next appointment with Paula is next Thursday. I'll see what she says. I just don't want to take any drugs. Yuck!!

The scale is a big issue for me. I am obsessed with a certain number. If I'm not at that number when I get up in the morning, I usually have a bad day, and this can lead to binging and purging. Anything over 102, and I freak out!! After my binge last Saturday, I was at 110!! I wanted to die. I felt fat and gross. I know this is totally irrational and that 8-10 pounds would probably be good for me, but that is easier said than done. I haven't weighed myself since sunday. Paula suggested getting rid of the scale after I admitted to her that I sometimes weigh myself 10-15 times a day. CRAZY GIRL!! So, I haven't weighed myself since Sunday. I got up this morning, and got the scale out........102.
I'd really like to be an even 100. I know this sounds crazy, but I guess I am a little crazy. Brian is threatening to throw it out....