Honeybeads Blog

Hello everyone. I want to update everyone with what is going on with me.
I have decided within the past couple of months to admit to myself and my family that I have an eating disorder. I have recently decided to get help for this, and with much love and support from my family, I am starting therapy and meetings. God is good, and I try to remember that through this dark time in my life.

Since losing the 60 pounds, I have become obsessed with diet and exercise. I consume fewer than 1000 calories some days, and exercise up to 3 hours a day. Then, there are days when I will just binge on anything and everything I can get my hands on. More recently, I have started to purge, or make myself vomit, after such binges. I know that this is wrong, but I have come to terms that this is a disease, and I need help to be healed.

First and foremost, I have put all of my faith in God. I know he can heal me, and he is allowing me to go through this for some reason. There are days when all I do is question Him about this. Some days are absolutely horrible, and I wonder why he would allow this. Other days, I can totally just give it all up to Him, and do much better.

Secondly, I could not begin to heal without the wonderful support of my husband. He is totally loving and supporting of me, no matter what kind of day I am having. He is a wonderful man, and I thank God everyday for him.

I have started seeing a therapist who specializes in eating disorders. She has really been helpful so far. I have also started going to overeaters annonymous meetings. I know this sounds strange, but there are times when I will compulsively stand in front of the pantry and consume 3000 calories within a very short period of time. There are a couple of other bulimics who attend the meetings who have been healthy for a very long time. This is very encouraging to me. It gives me more hope!

I plan on blogging daily to let everyone know how I am doing. Also, OA suggests writing as a form of therapy, especially when I have the urge to binge.

Today has been a good day. No binging and no purging. I'm hungry and feel like I want to eat a gallon of strawberry cheesecake ice cream, but I think I will go have some yogurt and grapes instead.